Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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