I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
