youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize