Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
