I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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