Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
