It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
