dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
