oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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