So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
