Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
