She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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