barbara walters just said penis...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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