Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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