Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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