Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
