also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
