i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
