She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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