I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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