i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
