At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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