i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
