I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
