And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
whose ass print is on the piano?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
