"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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