Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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