that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
