I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
