you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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