I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
