Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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