he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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