Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
