My sheets look like a crime scene.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
