drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
