Define "chronic" masturbator.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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