Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
