You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
