And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize