it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
