Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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