you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
