You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
