he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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