Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
