i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
