the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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