So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
why is half of my head shaved?
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