I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
