____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
