I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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