I want to have your abortion
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
