please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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