i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ttyl tear gas
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
