Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
