I wish I only lived at night.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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