he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm getting married
To pizza
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
