her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
