i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
