I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
