tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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