We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize