i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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