I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
