The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
