I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
