Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
