Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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