Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
