so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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