is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're a waste of cheezeits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
