we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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