Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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